It Could Always Be Worse: Negima Party Edition
by Shaun Garin
Summary: You know the drill, Tommy Oliver, weirdness magnet. Send him early Dino Thunder to Mahora and watch the sparks fly. Fourth in a series of What Ifs of things that happen to Dr. Tommy Oliver.
1. Chapter 1

It Could Always Be Worse: Negima Party Edition

Written by Shaun Garin

* * *

Negima Party 1

* * *

Tommy was certain that his life had gotten incredibly complex.

He had plans, big ones. He was going to settle in Reefside, and teach high school science. He even had Hayley preparing to make her internet café there and they were going to build that funky command center under his house just in case. The in-case did factor in the point that, YES, he got powers bonded to him and three of his students.

He didn't, however, factor in a phone call from a headmaster of a school overseas, asking him to come teach for his school. Oddly enough, when he refused, the headmaster simply laughed in a way that screamed, "I know something you don't".

The high school principal, Miss Randall, had been quite interested in getting him out of the way for a while, something to worry about later. But she was nasty to everyone, so it really didn't count when the staff clapped and applauded him for being sent overseas. Conner, Ethan and Kira only gave him worried looks. Mostly because Hayley would have to drive the Brachiozord by remote and someone would have to sub for them.

Tommy was certain he had an English-Japanese dictionary somewhere.

At least he was teaching still. That was a plus.

* * *

Tommy was certain that his life had gotten incredibly complex…er. More complex.

His fellow teachers, Niita, Serahiko, Takamichi, they were all nice and accommodating, but expressions ranged from amused to downright pity. He didn't like the downright pity expression; it was similar to the "Oh Tommy, you're losing your powers" look.

After all these years, he HATED that look.

It seemed that the appointed teacher for the job had come in late, and wasn't due to arrive for a few days. Something involving customs and a panty shot. So Tommy was the substitute.

Pretty damn fishy, when he thought about it in retrospect. WHY would they get a high school teacher from Reefside, AMERICA to teach in a school in Japan?

Tommy stepped into the room. Tripped on a wire. Rolled head over heels and slammed into the desk.

_Yep_, thought Tommy as he lay there, his feet sticking into the air as the room spun to the tittering of young adolescent girls. _You really put your foot into this one, Tommy._

* * *

When the real teacher came, Tommy was more than glad to surrender his position as substitute teacher for the… ten-year-old kid? Really?

Then he thought of Justin.

Right. Moving on.

* * *

"Alright, I'm going back to America if you guys don't need me anymore," said Tommy during that end of the day, which also led to the little guy spilling heads over heels from the trip-wire prank.

"Actually we do," said Takamichi with an apologetic expression on his face.

Tommy hated it when things like this happened. And he'd been keeping up with the news. How much longer would it be till Mesogog figured out he was AWOL from the team?

* * *

Negi Springfield had seen a lot in his young adolescent life: the burning of the village, the near-petrification of his cousin Nekane… not so much a large armored black man appearing out of a flash of green light and grabbing said kid by the front of his shoulder. "WHERE IS DR. TOMMY OLIVER?"

Negi wriggled in his grip. Nodoka dropped her books in shock. And Tommy, who was getting a soda, dropped it.

"Oh, I thought you missed me, Zeltrax," said Tommy, cracking his knuckles.

"Oliver." And Zeltrax threw Negi into a bush. "Your time is up!"

"And here I was waiting for you. Did you bring chips? You can't really get the brand I like in Japan."

"ATTACK!"

Violence ensured.

* * *

Tommy expected a lot of things after he sent Zeltrax packing. Violence on the campus, being tossed off it, not expecting the little kid aka Negi Springfield aka the little boy who successfully fended off two of them and saved Nodoka Miyazaki from certain harm looking up at him with big shining eyes.

Grief! I never thought a kid's eyes could get that big! thought Tommy.

"Teach me how to fight! Please, sensei?" pleaded Negi.

Tommy felt a headache coming on.

* * *

"You can't be serious," said Tommy, dead-panning at Koemon, the headmaster. "I've got to get back to Reefside, you SAW what followed me here."

"Mahora is more immune to these things than you believe, Dr. Oliver," said Koemon, stroking his beard in amusement. "We are well protected."

"I just fought Zeltrax and a press of Tyrannodrones on my own. With the kids' help, who threw lightning. I don't think this qualifies as being well protected!" snapped Tommy.

"And yet you did. Don't worry, you'll be well compensated for your time here," said Koemon, and Tommy groaned.

At least he was spared the indignity of having to room in the girls' dorm, considering how the class behaved on a regular basis. Though having to room with Takamichi in his place for the duration of his stay wasn't so bad, if you discount the cigarette smell. Still, at least Takamichi was more organized than say Conner on his tests.

Though the long distance bill was probably going to be run up as he spent time talking to Hayley. At least the fight was going well, but a new Dino Ranger had showed up and was handing the team their backsides.

He sincerely hoped they could activate Super Dino Mode in time before things got worse.

* * *

"Vampire of Cherry Lane?" asked Tommy as Negi had come to him. "First I've heard of it. Was there a vic?"

"Eh? Um, yes, Sasaki Makie-san, from our class," said Negi. "I thought since you were better equipped to deal with this sort of thing…"

Tommy rubbed his forehead. "Well, nothing for it but a stakeout. You and I will have to stake out Cherry Lane then. Tonight."

He discovered that night that robot girls hit as hard as Zeltrax did.

* * *

Negi was a mess, having taken the brunt of the whole incident, and Asuna was definitely in a LOUD mood that day. He looked a bit bedraggled but at the same time, determined, like he had a purpose. Even being corralled into coaching a big dodgeball game between the seniors of St. Ursula and the Juniors of 3-A wasn't much of a down side.

Tommy was determined to stay out of range of Negi's sneezes still.

"A monster attack? A real honest-to-god monster attack!" yelled Sakurako as she pointed out the window.

Tommy looked at Zeltrax marching up to the school. Someone's come back for round two…

"Excuse me a minute, girls," said Tommy but they weren't listening, save for the diminutive blonde in the back as Negi tried to ride herd on the girls.

Slipping into a corner, he twisted his wrist. "Dino Thunder, Power Up! HA!"

Black Brachio leaped out the window. "Miss me?"

"Your time is done, Oliver!" snarled Zeltrax in reply. "Get them, Vampinator!"

The vaguely bat-like raptor being snarled and stormed forward and Tommy wondered if it was open season on vampires.

* * *

**New Hero Protector of Mahora, Mahou Sentai BlackBrachio!** screamed the headlines of the school newspaper plastered across the walls of Mahora Academy.

Tommy facepalmed. First thing, there was nothing magical about the Dino Gem. Well, okay, that was a lie. It was powered on the Morphin Grid so… STILL though!

"I think you look cool," said Negi honestly, looking at a picture of him in the paper that was taken with presumably a speed setting on the camera, him kicking Zeltrax in the gut. Add a comic bubble for his exclamation of "oof!" and it would have been exactly how it came out.

"Still, not my best work. Where's the others when I need them?" groaned Tommy.

* * *

"Dr. O!"

Tommy spittaked as he looked up at Conner, Ethan and Kira who were standing there, luggage all around them in color coded bundles. Hayley looked amused as she stood next to them. "What are YOU guys doing here?"

"Fine way to say hello," quipped Conner.

"No seriously, you're leaving Reefside unprotected!" exclaimed Tommy in a hushed hiss.

"Don't worry Dr. O," said Kira. "That evil White Dino hasn't shown up in weeks and Mesogog's been sending mutant dinosaurs your way."

"And it's winter break," said Conner. "So we totally decided to come visit. How the heck are these guys still in school?"

"Japanese schools have a 3 month-1 month break rotation," said Hayley.

"I don't exactly have a place to put you all…" said Tommy.

"That's fine, they can stay with me," said Shizuna, the tall buxom blonde teacher stepping up. Conner and Ethan were punched by Kira in the arm when they stared and followed the hot teacher.

"Dude, did you see?" said Conner, in awe.

"Yes, I SAW," said Ethan, equally excited at the turn of events.

"You two are pigs," snapped Kira, put out at Shizuna's incredible "talents."

Tommy looked over at Hayley. "What did Randall say about this?"

"Something about good riddance to bad rubbish, but she's always nasty," said Hayley. "This is cutting into my profit margin, you know."

Tommy groaned and rubbed his head. "The boys aren't allowed to meet my class. EVER."

* * *

"So, if you can adjust the code here, you'll get better results," said Satomi as she poked a few controls on Ethan's laptop.

"Man, I never realized you could apply that string of code to Super Ninja Space Wars 3000," said Ethan, clearly impressed.

"Oh that? That's child's play. I use that code all the time in Chachamaru."

"Robot girl, sweet!" gushed Ethan.

* * *

"Dude, I'm telling you that soccer is a lot cooler than basketball," said Conner.

"Oh, really? Care to put that to the test?" smirked Yuuna.

"You are so totally on, even if you are a girl."

Conner got his butt whooped, but he enjoyed the game anyhow.

* * *

"Ah, her music is so nice," sighed Sayo as she floated around Kira, who was playing, much to the wide starry eyed expressions of the other assembled classmates who were listening in.

"Most impressive, Kira-san," said Ayaka with a wide, dreamy smile. "I enjoy your music!"

"Thanks. You should hear me with a full band," said Kira.

The members of Dekopan Rocket looked at each other. "That could be arranged."

* * *

Evangeline tried to prey on Hayley that night. She got whacked with a shoe.

And then the rest of the Dino Thunder Rangers showed up. And Negi showed up. And there was a fantastic light show on the bridge.

Conner had to clean the inside of his helmet because he was drooling at the hot girls in maid outfits when they waylaid him.

* * *

"I'm going to go out on a limb that your class isn't NORMAL by a long shot, Dr. O," said Conner that evening.

"Like you wouldn't believe," said Tommy as Negi nursed a bump on his head. "Feeling okay?"

"I'll live," said Negi with a pained grimace.

"Mou, Negi-kun you should be more careful with walking at night!" exclaimed Konoka with a pout.

"Oh he didn't trip and fall, he got attacked by a vampire," said Conner blithely.

Konoka's eyes grew big and wide, and Ethan winced. "Way to go, genius."

"NEGI-KUNNNNNN~!"

"H-hey, Konoka, quit it you're agitating his wounds!" exclaimed Asuna.

Chamo rolled his eyes. "And this happens all the time?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," said Hayley, holding an ice pack to her head as well.


	2. Chapter 2

Party 2

* * *

To explain this highly convoluted process would take time, effort and money. We have two of the first and little of the second, so we'll give the Cliff's Notes.

While Negi was sneaking around preparing to ambush Chachamaru after the first encounter with her and Evangeline, a certain blue Dino Thunder Ranger was headed to intercept her first. Destiny took a metaphorical coin flip, and subsequently decided to go with tails.

"Hey, Chachamaru," said Ethan, lifting a hand in greeting.

Chachamaru inclined her head politely. "James-san."

"Ah, none of that. James-san isn't me. Just call me Ethan," said Ethan with a smile as he bent down and stroked an overly adorable kitten on the head. It purred in response.

"It would not be polite," said Chachamaru softly.

"Polite shmolite, I'm from America. It doesn't have to be like that," said Ethan. "Say it with me. E-than."

"…" said Chachamaru. "Ethan… san."

Ethan chuckled. "Well, that works, I suppose." Sitting down, he gathered up the kitten in his arms and started to stroke it under the chin. It purred like a chainsaw and he grinned. "Healthy set of lungs for a kitten."

"There are many stray cats on campus," said Chachamaru softly as she finished dishing out the tuna to the kittens who flocked to the open tin. "Do you like cats, Ethan-san?"

"Love them. I have one at home," said Ethan. "Though my mom's more of a dog person."

He held up the blue-grey tabby and said, "Do you have a name, kitty?"

"Mew?" said the kitten.

"It has no name, but I refer to it as one," said Chachamaru.

"That's not a cute name. Why not we call it… Minerva?"

Chachamaru cocked her head to the side. "Minerva?"

"Yeah, from Harry Potter. This kitten sort of looks like a Minerva to me." Ethan held out the newly dubbed Minerva to Chachamaru who took it and stroked its fur. Minerva purred, and she checked the gender.

"Minerva it is," said Chachamaru in the affirmative.

* * *

"Yay, Chachamaru's here!" exclaimed a group of grade school children as they ran circles around her. The gynoid smiled at them as one of them looked up at Ethan, sticking a finger into her mouth.

"Hey mister, what business do you have with Chachamaru?" inquired one of the boys, trying to look all tough and brotherly.

Ethan grinned as he stooped down to look him in the eye. "Well, I'm her friend. My science teacher is her teacher."

"Have we designated each other friends? Master and Oliver-sensei and Negi-sensei are at odds," said Chachamaru with that familiar head tilt.

"Aw, it's okay. Dr. O gets his butt kicked by enemies all the time," said Ethan dismissively.

"Well, you'd better keep her safe, mister!" exclaimed the little boy and the two little girls nodded. "She's a gentle girl!"

"Don't worry, Ethan James is on the case," boasted Ethan. "I can summon the powers of a Dinosaur to my side!" And he posed dramatically.

The kids burst into giggles. "That's silly, but okay!" chimed the little girl who had her finger in her mouth.

* * *

"It's nice to see a young girl like Chachamaru find a boyfriend," said the elderly woman who the pair helped across the bridge. "You take care of her now, sonny."

Ethan blinked. "Whoa, ma'am, I'm not her boyfriend. I'm just a friend."

"Oh ho ho ho," laughed the older woman as Chachamaru inquired, "What is a boyfriend?"

* * *

"There's a kitten in the river!" exclaimed a young man standing at the foot of the bridge. "The current's too strong; it'll never make it to the riverbank!"

Ethan wasted no time. Kicking off his shoes, he dove into the water and surfaced just in time to see Chachamaru effortlessly wading into the water. "Race you," he said, spitting up muddy water.

The pair brought the kitten to the shore and a little girl claimed it, thanking them both. Ethan removed his jacket and offered it to Chachamaru who took it with a hint of something in her cheeks.

* * *

"Geez, we've been tailing them all day," said Asuna irritably as she, Negi and Chamo peeked out from behind the wall as Ethan and Chachamaru spoke animatedly, or at least Ethan did. Chachamaru merely politely nodded and smiled. "How lovey-dovey can they get?"

"I think it's nice," said Negi honestly. "She's such a good person!"

"Don't be fooled, Aniki! Her master wants to suck you dry!" yelled Chamo. "Go get her, you two!"

That's when Hakase ran up to the group, thus spoiling the mood and plot.

* * *

"Chachamaru you're soaked," said Hakase, looking the gynoid over. "Are you okay? Any structural damage?"

"None thus far, Hakase," said Chachamaru. "Ethan-san has helped me."

"It's just a little muddy water," said Ethan with a shrug. "We rescued a cat from a box in the river."

"Ah, those things happen here with startling frequency," said Hakase, nodding her head. "You could probably set your watch to it."

A flash of green light and a troop of Tyrannodrones appeared, flanked by Zeltrax behind them with some kind of dinosaur monster. Ethan immediately moved in front of the women, pushing them to the back.

"Where is Dr. Oliver?" demanded Zeltrax.

"Sorry, he's not here. Let me write you a check for this," said Ethan. In a low voice he said, "Run. I can handle this."

The Tyrannodrones surged forward but before Ethan could move, Chachamaru was on the move, her arm telescoping a blade outwards. The woman flashed into a sequence of attacks, slamming her blade into the opponents. Ethan whistled. "Wow, that's… something."

"Chachamaru is pretty good at this," said Hakase smugly as the woman shot a laser from her eye. "She is beyond normal human specifications."

The monster stormed forward and blew a blast of freezing cold and Ethan grabbed Hakase, dragging her away from the attack as it covered the ground with ice. Chachamaru landed – and her foot slipped. It lashed out and with a cry, Chachamaru fell to the ground with a sparkling cut in her side.

"Chachamaru!" yelled Hakase, trying to run towards the pair but was grabbed by Asuna and Negi.

"Hakase, calm down, she's okay right?" exclaimed Asuna.

"No! Chachamaru is dangerously weak to cold in this form!" screamed Hakase. "Chachamaru!"

The monster breathed another gust and Chachamaru threw up an arm to try and ward it off when suddenly, Ethan was there, delivering a haymaker into the side of its face, throwing it across the road.

"What's this?" said Zeltrax, having watched his monster at work, bewildered at the Blue Ranger's sudden strength.

Ethan was seething as he thrust his arms down and scales flashed into view in blue as he devastated the remaining Tyrannodrones with shattering punches that broke armor and snapped bones. The monster got up and Ethan was in its face as he loosed what would be a textbook "I'm a MAN!" punch into its face. It exploded from the force of his Dino Gem behind it.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" yelled Zeltrax before Ethan laid into him. Twenty seconds into combat, the Blue Ranger had Zeltrax in a headlock.

"Listen up, ugly, you leave these girls alone. You come at them, again, and I will rip your goddamn head off. Got me?"

"Guh. You haven't seen the last of me!" And hitting Ethan in the stomach, he teleported away.

Ethan let himself calm down, counting backwards from ten before he turned around to Chachamaru and held out his hand to her. "Can you move?"

"Negative," said Chachamaru. "The attack cut into my digital spine. Motor systems are offline."

Ethan nodded, and scooped her up in his arms. She was surprisingly light for a gynoid. "Where's the nearest lab?" he asked Hakase.

* * *

"I can't believe how hard he fought for her," said Asuna softly as she and Negi entered their room that evening. "Maybe she isn't as bad as her master."

"I'm pretty sure she isn't," said Negi in a sure voice. "Though what does Dr. Oliver teach his students?"

Chamo rubbed his chin.

* * *

"Hey, Chachamaru," said Ethan, sticking his head into the classroom.

Chachamaru looked up and got up, walking out into the hall. "Are you okay?" asked Ethan softly.

"I am fully functional again, thank you," said Chachamaru. "Your quick timing saved me from further harm."

"Ah, I'd do it for anyone," said Ethan. "But not a problem. I just wanted to check on your condition."

"Is that… all?" asked Chachamaru, lowering her eyes a little.

"Huh? No, no it's not just that. You're a friend Chachamaru," said Ethan with a smile. "Friends don't get creepy dino people beat their friends up. And besides, I'd feel horrible if you were broken. There's only one Chachamaru after all."

To his surprise, the robot girl actually seemed to "blush" as she bit her lip. "Thank you… Ethan."

And to the shock of all of the eavesdropping girls, she gave him a quick hug. "Good luck, Blue Ranger," she whispered into his ear as she entered the room again, schooling her normally placid expression into place.

Hakase adjusted her glasses. "Chachamaru, that was rather… human of you."

"It seemed appropriate," said Chachamaru, fiddling her fingers.

"Hmm… you're still due for a check up. Why don't you come to the lab? I'll give you a full examination then to make sure that you're completely functional," said Hakase.

"Y-yes. Of course."

The result of THAT misadventure is best left to the storytellers.


End file.
